so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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