no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
