I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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