now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
