Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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