If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Pooping to opera.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
