I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
