Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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