I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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