We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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