Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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