Someone shit on the floor
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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