he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
