apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
