i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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