she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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