At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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