my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You're like the curious george of whores
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
