Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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