I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
