if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
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Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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