when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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