So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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