With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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