By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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