Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
