Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
