hell yes lets make some ravioli
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
