I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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