You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
