New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
