put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think your dad took our porno
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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