Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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