hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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