dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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