I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
