Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
handjob tips. give me some.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
