what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
