how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
