I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
