when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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