Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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