i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just cropdusted the office
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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