Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
