she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
