i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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