Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
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We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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