I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
