Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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