How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
