if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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