So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
