Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
