Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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