Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize