He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
