you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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