it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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