ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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