No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i will never coherently bang her
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
