it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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