I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
