Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
